Thursday, August 11, 2005

You can be a better boyfriend! It doesn't take too much effort. Just try not to be so fucking selfish, you fucking asshole. I know, your mom cooked a lot of food for you, or your dad beat you with a belt, or whatever. But you don't have to be so fucking insensitive to every female around you.

Now that I got that off my chest, I mean my tits, allow me to clarify.

You can be a better boyfriend! It just takes a little bit of effort. It's not only your responsibility. You could be trying to impress the wrong woman. How do you know if it's the wrong woman? Well...she's not impressed.

You might also find most of my advice can be used to benefit most relationships, not just dating relationships. This is ettiquette. Use it or don't, but if you don't, people will probably think you're just a jerk, and your life will be shittier than it has to be.

TODAY'S TIP: When you are supposed to meet a girl somewhere, you should arrive on time. It's okay to be exactly on time, or within five minutes of agreed meeting time, but just show up on time. This is good advice for when you are supposed to meet any person; be they guy, girl, shim, or whatever.

But even more important -- when you enter the room you are supposed to meet them in, look for them. Make eye contact with them. Wave, connect. Perhaps you're in a hurry to take a quick piss -- give them a hi hand signal, point to your crotch, and then give them the international one minute signal, which is any finger in the up direction. (The middle finger indicates first and foremost "fuck you" and THEN "one minute!") Do NOT walk in like you are cock of the walk and in some kind of important person hurry, or like you are making sure to avoid connecting because you are trying to portray an image of superiority and grandiosity. That is gay, and no one cares about you or your feigned importance. It doesn't matter if you are the guy with every key to every door in the place on your keyring.

Finally, be sure to eventually make a physical connection with that person. Give them a high five, a kiss on the cheek, a pat on the shoulder or back, a hand shake, a hug, an intense stare into the eyeballs...whatever it may be...do it and mean it.

Until next time, remember...it's not that hard to not be a cock!

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

"That is gay"?

sorry, that is offensive.

5:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

well then fuck youuuu HOMO!

8:27 PM  

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