Tuesday, September 06, 2005

HOW TO BE A BETTER BOYFRIEND:
No one likes a bossy pants

In my household my father had a saying for my mother. It went, "There's only one captain on this ship, and it's me." What a douche!

Here is a tip for all you gentlemen out there who would like to be able to maintain a semblance of companionship into your later years. There's no "captain" on a relation "ship". It should be more like, two people who gently row the boat along.

Many men enjoy being bossed around and they pay good money to get their nuts crunched on, their asses spanked with paddles, their faces smooshed into plates of food and whatever other messy, awkward scenarios submissives typically dig. But those people are crazy. Most normal dating relationships don't involve a "boss" or "leader", or "people who stomp on your nuts". When most people think of "boss", they think of that dick wad at work that they hate who makes them do things that are annoying for a very small amount of pay.

Do you want to be thought of as someone's asshole boss?

Here's what bosses do:
- give you lots of pointless jobs and errands to do
- make you work late when you have to be somewhere fun
- create sterile work environments that discourage you from getting comfortable
- act like they know everything when they usually don't
- never give you pay raises
- try to hump you in the employee bathroom and then act like nothing happened

Another word for "bossy" is "bully". You're not a bully, are you? Girls like to be kissed, hugged, and given presents. Girls, and really most anyone, likes to be encouraged and uplifted. If you want to be someone's daddy-figure, treat her more along the lines of your little girl who can do no wrong, not like your unwanted heat-of-the-moment mistake that you are now stuck with.

Remember, if you don't like the girl you're dating, you can ALWAYS BREAK UP WITH HER!

It may seem harsh, after all, if you don't "take care" of her, who will?

Get this: she'll take care of herself, the same way she did BEFORE she met you.

So, in closing, don't be a task mastering, slave-driving, boss-man, or trust me - one day you will get FIRED for a less bossy lover.

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