Saturday, September 03, 2005


If you follow this quick list of do's and don'ts, you'll be on your way to being a better boyfriend in no time!

- DON'T call your girlfriend a bitch upwards of 20 times a day in a snide, joking manner. Under five times is generally plenty.

- DO call your girlfriend candy face, chocolate cup cake, pumpkin pie head, happy puppy, sweet heart, pretty pretty princess, little baby angel butt, or make up your own - just take two to five cute words and pair them together in an adorable run on sentence. Say it in a baby voice, and follow that by kissing (one time each) her nose, each of her pretty cheeks, the round of her shoulders, and back of her neck. (HINT: Don't over do this. This is not to be done more than one time a day, or two if it's a particularly sappy sweet boyfriend / girlfriend fun-having day. If you do this too often, she will start to hate your guts.)

- DON'T constantly drum on the floor with drumsticks.

- DO take your girlfriend out to dinner.

- DON'T insist your girlfriend stop writing something important to watch a TV docu-drama about Danny Pelosi, then get mad when she doesn't.

- DO buy your girlfriend one of those 25 cent bodega ice cream sandwiches for no reason at all. And buy her some beer, too. Corona, preferrably. (If you buy a lime, cut it up and stick one slice into the top of the beer, she WILL be impressed.)

- DON'T insult your girlfriend in front of some strange homeless guy.

- DO get your priorities straight in life.

Adhere to these DOs and DONT's, or manipulate them just slightly to fit your girlfriend's lifestyle (perhaps she prefers Red Stripe or Michelob?) and you will be on your way to becoming in the longterm, the world's greatest boyfriend, and in the short term, a better one.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG Please! Whatever god you may hold holy, do NOT talk in any sort of 'baby voice' to your girlfriend.

Not that us women's like to be mistreated, but honestly! The baby talk is WAY too annoying! Just stop it!

11:40 PM  
Blogger guy_called_nick said...

Treat her nice, respect her, and don't patronize her. At times women can be difficult to understand, and get on your nerves, but they are people just like us men, not aliens.

3:42 AM  

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