Tuesday, November 22, 2005

GOOD BOYFRIENDS DON'T GO TO JAIL

If you have the urge to go to jail, just think twice about it. Good boyfriends do NOT go to jail.

Think about what happens while you are in jail, boyfriend. Your girlfriend is sad and alone. That guy who had his eye on her anyway (and you know that at any given moment, there are at least 10 - 15 of those guys, depending on how hot your missy is) knows you went to jail, because he read it in the crime blotter or whatever. So, keep that in mind as you're getting ready to rob a bank/break and enter/pull off a heist featuring a Merecedes and three bald, well-suited fellows/freedom fight the system.

These are the things that you should think about:

1. Am I willing to let my girlfriend get made sweet, sweet love to by that guy she works with who she always tells me is so funny while I'm locked up in the slammer?
2. Is the crime I'm about to commit worth the time?
3. Can I just punch a punching bag or eat some chips or do some other activity that will be equally fulfilling?

Remember, boys, good boyfriends stay out of jail, so they can cook for their girlfriends, massage their feet with tea tree oil, run their fingers through their lady's silken tresses, kiss the delicate triangle of consumation just above their knee caps and just below their belly buttons!

So, the question for you right now should be, what kind of boyfriend are you? A good one or a bad one? And the second question is, can you be better somehow, like by staying out of jail?

If you are one of those guys who would never go to jail because you have a friend or relative high up in the system, or you're a law abiding wiener or whatever the case may be, you should know that being boring and safe does nothing for your relationship either.

It's better to walk the fine line, you adorable jack ass.

6 Comments:

Anonymous Uncle Freddie said...

Dear Heart--if the main reason Boyfriend should keep out of jail is so Girlfriend can not stray, get laid elsewhere, then something way out of kilter. Perhaps a guy who is a felon is not such a bargain in either the short or long run?

1:31 PM  
Blogger factory_peasant said...

"stay out of the concrete room behind bars with a drain in the center of the floor because honey, if you're there i'm gonna suck off all your friends and screw my coworkers. and if you've got a steady 40-hour a week job and treat me nice and keep your nose clean... well you're just too humdrum for me to give you the time of day. BLAH BLAH BLAH."

is this junk for reals? that's what i want to know. i hope this is a *joke* site. i really do. nobody could write material this stupid and be serious about it. right?

7:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe the sex is better behind bars?

6:01 AM  
Blogger 阿颖 said...

May I also add that it is even more important not to commit the crime on your girlfriend? That's like daring the girl to send the boyfriend to jail, which in most cases the boyfriend gets away free. There, that's a boyfriend worse than one that goes to jail.

5:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This Blog makes baby Jesus cry.

6:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for starting this one 'If you have the urge to go to jail, think twice...'. At this point I knew not to bother reading any further and that it was bound to be as shite as everything else you've written. Stupid cunt.

8:05 AM  

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