Saturday, December 17, 2005

A Holiday Tip: Don't forget to get your lady a god damn GIFT!

I know many people out there disagree with the sentiments of the new, over corporatized Christmas. I don't think that we should be breaking the bank to buy eachother expensive and fancy gifts in an attempt to show someone we "care", especially when we really don't.

But if you are one of those guys who "doesn't believe in Christmas" or is a "Jehovah's Witness" or who's "mother died on Christmas" or whatever other lie or excuse you have come up with to not have to get your lady a gift, just do everyone a favor and dump your little lady lamb a week prior to Christ's special day.

This being said, I do not encourage you to "spend two month's salary" on a gift. I do not encourage you to go to the mall at 5 am and spend the day searching for that special surprise. A girl will tell you what she wants for Christmas without you having to ASK. All you have to do is LISTEN. I know it's a crazy concept for most men, but GIVE IT A WHIRL! It's not as difficult as you think.

$20 or less is a perfectly appropriate amount to spend on a lady. You can even MAKE her something for very cheap...if you can muster time away from your video game console or stack of Playboys. One of the best gifts I ever got was from a boyfriend who BUILT me a DESK from SCRATCH. I still have that desk to this day. I should have kept the guy who went with it...

Here are some suggestions, be you a daft (and poor) monkey of a man:

* A bouquet of flowers and a simple piece of jewelry, such as a barette or a pin
* A delicious treat, whatever her favorite one is, a card and a good book
* A soft, cozy towel and some nice soap, in a pretty basket
* A hand-made just about ANYTHING
* A weekend away together somewhere
* Yummy smelling lotion, a bath candle and a card

Presentation is important. Put it in a stocking, a basket, a cup, some kind of pretty container. Tie a ribbon around it. That's about all there is to it.

Here's a home made gift that anyone can make:

Get a pretty cobalt blue jar shaped like a Noxema jar or something similar (you can get one at an art store or what have you for $3 or $4 bucks) - glass is preferrable, but plastic is okay. Fill it 3/4 of the way with olive oil. Fill it 1/4 of the way with sugar. Mix it up. Put the lid on it and tie a white ribbon around the top.
Voila! Home-made foot scrub. Sounds weird, but I bet you your lady will be surprised and delighted! To top it all off, make her a beautiful home-made card and take her to the movies.

You can do things like this once a week! It doesn't just have to be a Christmas thing.

It's not that hard to not be a total dick wad! It's actually pretty easy to do nice, simple things for people you care about. Try it today!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Jenny!

Are you *still* writing this trash? How long is it going to continue for, eh?

4:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh yeah...

Seeing as this thing has become the de-facto out of ours PB meeting place, does anyone know what's happened to the mailout? Anyone?

4:48 PM  
Blogger Jessica Delfino said...

You are boring and so BORING!

11:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are you trying to say something, Jen? As anyone ever told you that you're a cunt, out of interest?

9:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

After reading the comments on several of these posts I find it amusing how the trolls have ceased to be unique. They just keep trying the same attacks over, and over, and over again. "Let's attack her writing", "let's call her a cunt", blah blah blah. At least the content of the posts is original.

I suspect that part of the goal is to discredit you in their eyes. If you are right, and they are having relationship problems, changing how they behave must seem infinitely harder than retaliating against you for being right.

They could also be trying to discredit your advice, to ensure that potential competition declines your lessons and remains unskilled. After all, if you successfully train guys to be more competent at relationships, doesn't that give them an advantage over the attractive dickheads?

To the flame warriors who seem to think that posting here will demoralize Jessica, you're obviously mistaken. I've not seen many people able to adapt to such attacks, but it appears that she is such. If you're just verbally wanking on someone's public forum, whatever. There's always some dimwit who likes to jerk it on public transit, and it seems that public forums are no different.

How many of these flames are typed one-handed? Do you feel guilty getting a stiffy while you're posting crap like "anyone every told you that you're a cunt"? Did anyone ever teach about when it's sexy to call someone a cunt, and when it's gross? Have you read so much bad erotica that you think that personal attacks make you attractive?

Once in a while I wonder what goes on in the mind of those with a verbal abuse fetish. Then I roll over and give my girlfriend a hug and go back to sleep. Perhaps someday you'll be able to do the same.

4:20 PM  
Blogger Semi-charmed Kinda Life said...

i like ur blog. realli.

1:21 AM  
Anonymous brian276 said...

Hello Jenny,

next christmas i'm going to get my girlfriend a couple of "improving gifts", "something i will use" "something she allready has" and for the main gift something not even half the value of the gift i get from her.
Then we'll be even.
If a guy has cash and doesn't spend it - its sayanara- if a girl doesn't -its meant to be cute!
do you have a sister site where ladies get helpfull hints on being better girlfriends
(i know its the sentiment that counts- thats why i dug hole in the ground and screamed my disappointment into it)

2:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Re the "repetitive criticisms" post - I dunno... might it not be the case that there is a degree of validity to the criticisms that Jessica's posts *are* quite badly written and *are* fairly unoriginal? The mere fact that lots of people make the same criticism need not detract from the validity of said criticism, e.g. "that Dawn French is a bit of a bloater, innit?", "that Kate Thornton is a be-bingowinged non-entity, no?", or "that Jessica Delfino is a rather mediocre writer, don'tchathink?".

So nyah.

Wow, my first post not to feature the word "cunt". Oh.

4:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Once in a while I wonder what goes on in the mind of those with a verbal abuse fetish. Then I roll over and give my girlfriend a hug and go back to sleep. Perhaps someday you'll be able to do the same."

I doubt it. She says she gets enough hugs from you at home; and that she only comes round here for the head.

9:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Jenny!

How are your tits for lovebites?

Have you died yet?

Are you going to do us all a favour and stop this horse faced whinneying blog of yours and just let yourself slowly slide under the waves?

Lots of love


1:08 PM  
Blogger Nims said...

I once got a litre sized bottle of 10-0-6 zit gel from a boyfriend for Xmas and I never had a zit in my life. Another time I got corporate pens, hat and a mug from a boyfriend.

Sometimes no gift is better! ;P

6:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am female, British and post on Popbitch.

I would have been up there with the cunt callers until this evening. Yes, I do have a boyfriend folks and no I am not in the market for any of your 4inch uncut cocks (and yes Jess this is how to get to them).

English, USA or Slavic a cunt is a cunt and these boys know the truth,

8:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


While this message is approximately 4 inches long on my screen, it doesn't look uncut...

2:56 AM  
Blogger The Lion Roars said...

This blog is so cute :)

4:25 AM  
Anonymous toots said...

Hey Jenny,

This is a good blog in all but what if they didn't have enough money or the time to go out and buy something better or couldn't make it because he doesn't want them to think that he doesn't care and can just throws it together in like 5 seconds. Like my boyfriend has basketball practice everyday right after school till 5;30 then he has to go home and most likely take a shower then have dinner. I play basketball and have prractice to right after school so I was going to get him smething but he told me not to but i don't know if he ment it or was just tryin tobe nice. what do u think? So if he has practice and stuff what kind of gift should he have got me? write me back at! Thanks And i enjoyed reading this alot!

6:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What do you do with a new boyfriend who didn't get you anything at all for xmas. Not even an apology after opening up the sweet and sexy gift I bought him.
To boot when I approached him about NOT ackowleding xmas, he told me, I just don't like buying people gifts! I would like to think I am more than just his "people"
He told me he was sorry I felt this way and that maybe he will do things differently next time.
Was up with that? Should I say forgetem?

9:18 PM  
Anonymous sparkella said...

i think anonymous cunt-caller is in love l-u-v with jessica. maybe it's actually jessica her own damn self writing all kissily to her own fucking self.

and anyway, i forwarded this to my BF, because like it or not, it's all 100% grade-A new + improved truth, ruth.

ok, bye.

10:47 AM  
Blogger The Lion Roars said...

Come on !!! Update !!! ignore the lamers !!!

8:26 AM  
Blogger Yakima_Gulag said...

Oh I have a neat tip, 'Hey Boyfriend, turn the TV off if you want to have sex! We don't want to hear ads, we don't want to look at the competition, we don't want to hear the game or watch the war, we just want to have sex in a nice quiet place that respects our dignity!'

11:11 AM  
Anonymous corrine said...

update :( ignore the assholes.

8:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey, i like your blog ! visit mine y'all ! and comment :D

5:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your writing is exceptionally poor.

Improve it or stop it.

10:17 AM  
Blogger dunzo1 said...

i like your writing. when will you post again???

maybe you should not allow anonymous people to leave comments. that'll cut down on the hate comments. it's probably only one or two people. and now the rest of us are missing out. :(

11:29 AM  
Blogger Obbop said...

I know how to make the addle-minded self-centered wimmenfolk happy....

go broke buying their baubles and cater to their every whim!!!!!

Better yet, forego females completely. Life is to short to put up with the typical American female.

Life can be so much better without the emotion-laden illogical hussies around to ruin your life.

8:38 AM  
Blogger ali said...

Ah ya cunts shut it, if it was a man posting how a girl could treat her boyfriend better (like Cosmo etc doesn't do this constantly) you'd all be dreaming up new ways to kiss his ass, calling him a genius.
And if it was a woman who was apologetic and totally "reasonable" in her requests ("if he's a busy guy don't expect him to always think of you. After all, he brings home the bucks. Be happy with lingerie" etc) you'd be fine with THAT.
But someone with some ridiculously high self respecting standards and you all poop yourselves. Yeah, I said poop.
Men should be brought up to be proud to be f'ing impressive BFs, should try to outdo each other. But no, they hide it when they are so the other macho-men won't nuggie their asses.

5:47 PM  

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