Thursday, December 15, 2005

TIP #114: TO KEEP THE DATING POOL CLEAN, LOSERS MUST COMMIT SUICIDE

In writing this silly little blog, I've learned something important. It appears that there are a lot more shitty dudes on the planet than I ever could have known. Alas, this news has become clear to me in the time of our lord's happiest celebratory hour, in this festive, non-denominational season.

It seems that I've overlooked a very important piece of dating advice, and that is this: Some men are absolutely unrepairable.

Some people don't want to be fixed, can't be fixed, won't look inside of themselves and only want to point fingers, yell (sometimes in all caps) and otherwise behave like buffoons, in person and/or on the internet. Who knows why this is? Perhaps it is because they were drop-kicked in the teeth too many times or not enough times by their drunken fathers at a young age. Perhaps their mommies didn't give them enough hugs, money, blow jobs or whatever the hell else they surely demanded from their mothers, or perhaps she gave too much. Some people don't appreciate love. I'm sure it's hard to guess what the recipe for disaster will be when parenting, until it's too late.

In the case that you are an unrepairable loser, the best thing you, as a loser of a man can do for your girlfriend and for your society, is to drink a full bottle of whiskey, get into your jalopy of a car and drive it off a cliff.

I'm sorry to have to put it so bluntly, but you, sir, have no reason to live, much less muck up some perfectly healthy, pleasant young woman's life - one who could certainly do much better than you crap heap of a shit log of a boyfriend.

Until next time, this has been a tip on how to be a better boyfriend. If you truly love your girlfriend, please follow this advice and your girlfriend will live a long, happy, healthy life!

26 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love this blog so much. <3
I have been sending it to all my friends.

9:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"crap heap of a shit log of a boyfriend"

succinctly put there indeed. never mix your metaphors darling, it's terribly common.

4:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

have you ever been to popbitch.com?? the water's lovely you should jump on in!!!

5:55 AM  
Blogger Mack said...

I like your blog. Sorry other people suck. Can't you just disallow anonymous comments?

12:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Limehouse, "common" doesn't really carry the same sting in the U.S. as it does on your teensy, class-obsessed rock.

God, the more comments from the English I read on this site, the more I think the Kaiser was right about you people.

12:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

THIS BLOG IS GAY!!!


jennifer is a cunt!!!

1:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Jenny, that you in the pic? Cos you ugly!

1:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmm...I wonder why all of our *lovely* comments are being deleted.

Doesn't she realise we're trying to help her by telling her the truth: that she's a cunt?

1:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey 'mack'.

You like this pile of shit, eh?

Are you a cunt, too?

1:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

1:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh good, the PapBitch clams have returned.

Are you lads enjoying your Yorkies today?

1:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Jen,

(It's me again).

I have a complaint I wish to raise with you - Re: TIP #114: TO KEEP THE DATING POOL CLEAN, LOSERS MUST COMMIT SUICIDE.

Shouldn't you be taking your own advice there, love?

I mean, you're a loser, and a cunt, and the gene pool must be clean - so are you going to follow your own advice?

I only ask because I care.

Sincerely,
A. Mong,
25, London.


PS You're still a cunt.

1:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

^^^

So are you saying that, by uploading a picture of herself giving us the finger, this particular cunt has become emboldened?

Like it, like it lots...

4:21 PM  
Blogger Jessica Delfino said...

You maniacs are still coming back here? I'm flattered! Thank you for hating my blog so much that you can't stay away! I only delete comments that are jibberish or way too long. The fact that I let you losers repeatedly call me a cunt on my own blog should testify to how awesome and easy going I am. Speaking of how awesome I am and the word cunt, you should hear my song, "My Cunt." If you send me your email address, anonymous, I'll email it to you, unless you're too much of a coward to identify yourself!

9:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey anon ^^

Yeah, thanks. :-)

It's always nice when people appreciate the little things. Say, do you know what's happened to the mailout this week?

4:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, I aim to delight, dying rasta stylee...

I have the horrible feeling that Jessica Delfino has shut down the mailout, such is her power and influence.

*thinks a moment*
*laughs gently to self*

Perhaps not.

9:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

http://www.screenselect.co.uk/images/products/7/15207-large.jpg

10:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

http://www.periodistadigital.com/imgs/20050830/_referee_pierluigi_collina.jpg

2:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That won't do! This crap heap of a shit log of a blog only published half my intended URL...

Recombine the two lines below and then recoil in wonder at how much of your time (and mine) I've just wasted...

http://www.periodistadigital.com/imgs
/20050830/_referee_pierluigi_collina.jpg

2:32 PM  
Blogger Nims said...

I like your hat.

6:27 PM  
Blogger lee said...

Sorry Jen, but it sounds like you are the one with some f**ked up past. You seriously have some issues, girl. Yeah, men can be dickheads, but you got to get over it. You are doing exactly what the assholes want you to do - letting it turn you into a bitter sounding bitch. Get a life!!

7:06 AM  
Blogger S. Lewis Silverwood said...

You know the people who leave abusive messages on your blog?

I'm going to start like a charitable foundation that provides scholarships and like basic clothing and stuff. It will be a social psychology experiment. We can probably do it as a tax dodge.

It will be just like the film Greystoke but with more partial nudity.

7:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It strikes me, upon a cursory skim, that this blog rather misses the mark by some distance.

Isn't the key to being a 'better boyfriend' simply being a better man; irrespective of the wants and needs of low rent bloggers and pseudo comediennes?

Indeed, being a 'better man' as an end in itself rather renders this blog introspective; because better men attract better women. And better women, in my experience, are better than this by far.

4:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, and you really need to get a grip on your punctuation when you're angry.

And try to be less concerned with 'otherness' whilst you're at it. Transferring personal deficits onto others is essentially the kernel from which all genocide grew.

Here endeth the same lesson William Wilberforce tried to teach your forefathers so many years ago.

(except the bit about the punctuation).

5:04 PM  
Anonymous samm cameron said...

um wow.. this is rediculous! honestly like you spend way to much of your time worrying abuot writing things that make no sense... like your telling someone if there ugly and have a bad presonality to kill themself? cause thats cool? how would you feel if someone actually did? hmm thats what i thought. you are making it seem like all guys are assholes, even though you may not realize it.. and yes i do realize (being a girl) that guys are assholes sometimes.. but its not all of them.. what i dont undestand is how a girl can sit there ripping apart a guy and then expect it to be alright.. ever thought that the reason they are assholes is because the girl treats them like crap.. its not just us that should be treated like princess'.. it works both ways hunn.. sorry
im off tho
sammy

9:57 AM  
Blogger barbara said...

My friend at aquabot introduce me to this blog..this is really interesting..But Jannie you doesn't look that good in the picture....Your earlier and current pics are really gorgeous...so what's a problem with this one...

11:28 PM  

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