Friday, December 16, 2005

TIP FOR UGLY JERKS

If you want to be a good boyfriend, don't be ugly. Girls like guys who are hot. If your face is busted, do whatever you can to overcompensate. Work out. If you can't afford to have a gym membership, ride a bike around. Stop shoving donuts into your gap. And just try one time not to eat a whole entire block of cheese in one sitting.

If you're ugly, make sure you have a great personality to make your ugliness shine, like the way MASK did in that movie, MASK. As many readers of this blog have surely learned from many ruined relationships due to their assholery, an ugly personality is even worse than an ugly face. I've dated several 6s or 7s whose personalities jacked them up to 9s and 10s.

If you're ugly and your personality stinks, the least you can do is buy your girl lots of nice stuff. It won't last long, but you can float from two month relationship to two month relationship until you get too old for your sperm to care what you do anymore.

I would say something stupid like, "Just be yourself!" but no one wants to date an ugly, bad personality having creep. NO ONE. Not even your mother. But if your mother will date you, I'd say go for it, because otherwise you'll have to resort to dating girls who are too young and stupid to know any better. That might be fun for awhile, but eventually they will grow up and realize that you're a waste, and possibly, hopefully, kill you in your sleep. And your mother probably wouldn't do that, if only out of loyalty.

If there's anything that could be considered motivation to being a better boyfriend, let that be it - if you piss off the wrong broad, she could slice your throat while you dream of vaginas and rainbows. Anyone remember a lady named Lorena Bobbitt? That man is lucky to have his throat intact.

Until next time, try to forgive your parents and bake a cake for the poor or something.

And never forget you are ugly if you are! It will keep you humble, and girls dig humility and shit.

11 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, where are the British clams? I was sure they'd be slapping their valves all over THIS post in particular.

Oh well, I guess it's like Q:30 o' the Clock in All Peon, I mean Albion. As soon as the Pap Bitches are awake, expect 30 or so comments involving the word "cunt."

9:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Piss off you cunt!

9:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"girls dig humility and shit."

If girls dig shit, they'll LOVE this blog!!!

hahahahahahahah!!!1!1!!

c
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t
o
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.

7:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Hey, where are the British clams?"

We were worried that we'd cut our feet on all the shards of glass.

Can I offer the number of an excellent glazier?

10:00 AM  
Blogger Nims said...

You know, I have never met an ugly person. Seriously. Interesting faces, but no one ugly.

6:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"the least you can do is buy your girl lots of nice stuff. "

Do you have tips that work on non-whores too?

3:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh no... how sad.. u wrote a blog on ugly boys.. geez ur life much be smaching.. good on you lol pfft

7:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

YOU SAY WHAT NOW?!?! dude i tottally agree with you, ugly people should just be destroyed, fired from a cannon into the sun, shot on sight before they plague the world with anymore ugliness..OHHH WAIIITT!!! that means YOU HAVE TO GO!!! CCCCCCCUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!

10:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That seriously made my morning. One of the most hilarious things I've written in ages. Just stumbled across it surfing the web-- nice post.

7:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Astute! It's sad but true...why be ugly if you don't have to be? Being healthy and nice = attractive, no matter what. So just do it! Yeah. Go JD!

1:29 PM  
Blogger Nikki Rose Ty said...

it's the ugly ones leaving the mean comments. =D lol

6:15 AM  

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