Saturday, August 30, 2008


It's been awhile since I've updated this blog. I have been spending a lot of time looking inside and considering what I've been doing wrong and I think I might have figured it out.

I'm not going to get too detailed into it here, but I think it has a little bit to do with not knowing what I wanted and also not knowing what was out there. Perhaps there were some self-esteem issues hanging out in there as well.

But regarding the boyfriend for which this site was written, I'm thrilled to report that he is now an ex-boyfriend. And I am happy to report that after years of wrongfully and pointlessly trying to make my old boyfriend into a better boyfriend, I have found the better boyfriend I never knew existed. I've been watching him and will share some tips of how to be a better boyfriend that I learned from someone who really knows how to be a great boyfriend!

Gentlemen, if you are reading this, you're headed in the right direction. Hang in there, and good luck!

(as learned from experience)

Cook for your lady. Girls LOVE that. Cooking isn't too hard. It just takes a little practice. If you were raised in a family where food was scarce or where a family meal consisted of chopped up hot dogs on toast, it's ok. You can still learn to cook in just a few weeks.

A good starter meal is spaghetti and a nice bottle of wine. If you spend $8 - $10 on a bottle of wine, that'll do just fine. Trader Joe's also has their $3 chuck that is really not bad at all! I drink it by the bottle on a regular basis. Mmmmm! Alcohol-istic!

The trick to the spaghetti meal: make your own sauce. I know it may sound daunting but it's SO EASY and it tastes really good. And it's not that expensive. For less than $20 you can prepare a meal that looks like it costs $100.

Plus, spaghetti is almost impossible for even the most bird-brained dumb ass to ruin.

I'm going to walk you through it step by step.

First, get a big pot. If you don't have one and can't afford a Bed Bath and Beyond or Crate and Barrel spending spree, borrow one from a neighbor or buy one at the thrift store for $3. NOTE: I've touched up on this a few times and I'll touch upon it again. If you're a broke ass dude, dating might not be for you. Get a job, get your life in order and then you can date with more success. It's not that you have to have money so that you can buy a girl tons of things. But in order to live a serene life, YOU NEED SOME MONEY. Not a ton of money, but if you have to buy a $10 pot it shouldn't be something that's going to break the bank. Sometimes pots need to be bought. Sometimes pot. Either way, currency will be needed sometimes for dating (and for general life) purposes.

NOTE: If you're a bad cook and you just know it, sometimes the alternative pot helps...munchies don't judge.

2. Fill your pot 3/4 full with water. Pour a couple teaspoons of olive oil in there and a few dashes of salt. (Olive oil is preferred but any oil will do. This is so that the spaghetti doesn't stick together.) Let the water boil. While the water is boiling, make the sauce.


Get a box of those little grape or cherry tomatoes. Put them ALL in another smaller pot with about 2-3 cups of water and let the water boil until they are soft. The two pots of water will start boiling at around the same time. So when the pasta pot starts boiling, turn the fire down a little and add a half a box of spaghetti. (Angel hair is a really good spaghetti and it looks pretty on a plate. Bowtie pasta and Farfalle (the cork screw ones) also are nice for presentation purposes. They all cost less than a buck a box, usually.)

NOTE: If you can't find grape or cherry tomatoes, regular or plum tomatoes will work, too. Get three or four of them. And if you're just simply not into making your own sauce, get Barilla sauce. It's damn good.

When the tomatoes start boiling, turn the heat off. Take the tomatoes out and put them into a bowl. Put cold water on them so they cool down enough for you to handle. Squeeze the tomato part out of the cherry / grape skin so that just the mushy tomato middle is left. Throw the skin away. Put them into a bowl and mush them up with a fork. Add four tablespoons of olive oil, a few pinches of salt and pepper and 8 or 9 fresh basil leaves or a few tablespoons of sprinkled basil if you can't find fresh basil. Add some of the water you cooked the tomatoes in or a little more water to make it have some consistency. Mix it up. Add olives if you like or any other veggies you appreciate, but just the mushy tomatoes, basil, salt and pepper is impress-your-girlfriend-a-riffic.

When pasta is boiling, turn down the water and let it cook for a few more minutes. It doesn't take more than 8 or 9 minutes to have perfecto pasta. When you reach in with a fork and the pasta is wobbly, it's done. (They say you can throw it up and it will stick to the ceiling but that's super ghetto. Spin a fork through the water and if it's wobbly, it's done.)

Drain the water out through a collander, dump the waterless pasta back into the pot, add a little more olive oil to the pasta, mix it up, put it on a plate, toss a few tablespoons of sauce on it, put it on a table with napkins and cutlery and a few glasses of red wine and ta-da! You did it.

BONUS TIP: If your girlfriend is on her way over for dinner, be sure to time it (it will take about an hour) so that she will show up when it's almost ready to serve. Wear a cute apron while you cook so that when she walks in she sees you in it, for extra bonus points. Women love men who dress in drag. I'm telling you secret girl shit here. She'll think it was the cutest thing ever.

As you sit down to eat, make a toast to the two of you.

Sit back and wait for your girlfriend to goo goo, ga ga and coo all over you and show her appreciation to your nether regions later.


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