Saturday, January 03, 2009

New Year's Nincompoop

Today we meet a man who found himself in techno-trouble with a tantalizing text message to a buddy.

I came accross your "how to be a better boyfriend blog" and I really need your advice. I have been with the same girl for 9 years. Anniversary was Dec 31 (2 days ago) which I totaly blew.

I really do love her but have found myself flirting too much lately with other girls. This time took the cake though. While my gf and I were at dinner for our special night, I texted my buddy commenting how hot the waitresses were. I got up and went to the bathroom and sure enough when I got back, she had read what I wrote and was in tears. I am such an idiot. Even though it may be harmless to me, it is definitely not to her. Needless to say dinner was finished immediately and I went to drop her off at her work (a bar) where she went and shared how much of an asshole I am with everyone there. She slept at a friends house and did call me all night (most of which I was too passsed out to hear.) She blasted me like crazy when she got home but then after a while of me apologizing and sincere crying, she seemed to forgive.

I still feel horribly guilty and can't really believe she is just going to brush that off so easily. What do you think I should do to try to make up for the anniversary and what should i do to take steps of being a 1 man guy and losing my urges for other women???

Dear Techno-Turd:

For starters, I don't think you will ever "lose your urges" for other women. And I'm not suggesting that you "lie" to yourself or anyone else about those urges. But I think you can manage your urges better, for starters, you goofy brained twit.

It appears that you knew what buttons to push to piss off your girlfriend, and then for some reason, perhaps unintentionally, but perhaps not, you went ahead and pushed them, crushing your girlfriend's ego on a night that was supposed to be about the two of you. You turned a romantic evening into a creep-a-thon. Way to go, shit for fingers. Though it seemed harmless enough to you, ask yourself -- what did you have to gain from writing that message? It wasn't funny or insightful. It was very after school special stupid of you. Are you a jock? Jocks are brainless doofuses who go after all the tail because their small brains don't have the intellect to know that beauty is fleeting. So, the next time you are driven to do something that you KNOW deep down is going to make you and your girlfriend feel disconnected, just ask yourself -- Am I a jock? If your response is -- "Duhhhh!" then, by all means, go ahead with your plan. If your answer is, "No", then put the cellphone down, man! And instead of looking everywhere else, look instead at your lady and tell HER that SHE is beautiful. That's the better boyfriend way.

It sounds to me like she got back at you in her mind. She spent New Year's Eve with her friend and when she got home, she blasted you, and then was willing to move on. If she is willing to forgive and forget, I think you should let her. If you want to try to make it up to her, that could be a nice gesture. Perhaps you can try to take her out to a restaurant where all the MEN are super hot. Are you man enough to take her to HUNKAMANIA in NYC, an all male revue, and let her get some eye candy in for a change?

As for losing your urges, as I mentioned, I don't know if that can happen, at least not until you are older and more mature. Sure, you may feel urges in your heart to think or say things that you know are going to hurt your girlfriend, but you don't have to act on them. Be in control of your mind and body. Perhaps meditation or yoga is something to consider -- something that helps you to focus on self control. But in the mean time, you can remember incidents like this and how much discord and calamity they cause. Who wants to spend even one minute crying? Crying is for sissies and faggots. Are you a sissy or a faggot? The next time you feel like crying, just ask yourself -- Am I a sissy or a faggot? Not that there is anything wrong with crying, or being a sissy, or being a faggot. But seriously. Crying should be saved for important events, like deaths and births and weddings, not for stupid text message dramas. BORING!

I had a boyfriend once who used jealousy to manipulate and control me. He would flirt vivaciously with women all the time -- in front of my face, behind my back and in every other angle of my vision. He knew it hurt me and he'd insist it didn't mean anything. But it meant to me that he didn't respect me or care about how it made me feel. And now, he can flirt with any woman he wants to, because he is single. Meanwhile, I've moved on into a very loving and caring relationship.

Life is short and you should remember that you are very lucky to find someone to love who loves you back. Appreciate that person, and have the self-esteem and the maturity to behave respectfully to yourself and to others, especially the woman you love.


Blogger GetReal said...

I have to say that I absolutely adore my boyfriend.
He is one of the greatest guys that I have ever met...
Intelligent, smart, funny, charismatic, the WORKS...
That being said, I wonder what goes on in a man’s mind when he does some of the things that he does...
Like do aliens come down out of the sky and suck your brains right out of your heads guys or what???
First of all, I do have some issue with the amount of time my boyfriend spends on his cell phone texting and talking to ex-girlfriends...
And MEN, learn from this, if you have a woman worth keeping, KNOW this, she is not an idiot.
That means, she knows all the “tricks of the trade” herself. She’s been to “the rodeo” and “got the t-shirt”.
She’s played all the games and has had all the games played on her.
So do NOT even for one second, underestimate her!!!!
You are a reflection of your partner, so keep this in mind...when playing little acts like keeping your phone on silent or deleting your TEXT messages, because the reality is, YOU are hiding something and she knows it.
That doesn’t mean that she thinks you are cheating or that you are cheating but she matter as well be thinking you are, because everyone knows that if you are hiding something, no matter how minor, you are still hiding it!!!! That means you already know she won’t like it and it isn’t OK!!!
Getting back to me and my boyfriend, I know these ex-girlfriends of his, are just crying on his shoulder and it strokes his big fat ego..
Been there, done that!!! So, I let it go...
However at one of our local watering holes, it’s a different story….
He will stare at one of the bartenders there like I dont know what...She’s older and very sweet, but really?? It gets so uncomfortable sometimes because he literally will watch her every move. And I am not the only one that notices it. He tries to say that "all the guys just tease her that way" because he has even gone as far as making a comment to her, "teasingly" of course, insinuating that he and I would like to see her naked or play with her boobs. OMG, Teasingly my ass!!!
So, I do appreciate your “Be a Better Boyfriend” comments regarding this "New-Year Nimcompoop" writer and his issue with "opening mouth and inserting foot" even if only by text.
And MEN again. I know for a fact, that any one of you, would have an issue yourself if YOUR lady was texting a friend some smart ass comment while you two were out, or if your lady was acting that way while you were with her, so Honestly, why do you think you are any different???
So YES MEN, listen up, YOU are smarter than that and if you are not, LEARN how to be!!!!!!
As I mentioned, you are a reflection of your partner and she is of you. Your leading lady is a reflection of your choices and ideals you find important and a balance of your strengths and weakness. If your relationship is shit, you are 50% of the problem. So OWN it!

8:17 AM  

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