Monday, November 29, 2010

Today's Lesson: PORN ETIQUETTE

Who doesn't love porn? It's hot (sometimes), ridiculous (usually) and athletically impressive (now and again). But something the boyfriends of the world need to understand is that PORN is not REAL LIFE. Sure, it's fun to play around with a video camera and a gal pal now and again but remember the golden rule: DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE DONE UNTO YOU.

Would you like an 8 inch phallus inserted, lovingly or otherwise, into your rectum? If you're not sure what that would feel like, just try to recall the largest hot pepper crap you've ever taken in your life. Would you like to wipe tablespoons of semen out of your eye socket? If you're not sure what that might feel like, just think of how it feels to get shampoo in your peepers. Would you like to involve feces in your sex life? If you love playing with dookie so much, why not just have a baby?

If the answer is yes to all those questions, you probably should break up with your girlfriend, unless she's into that stuff, too. These posts may seem like common sense but you'd be surprised at how daft people are when it comes to dating. As a last word, THIS.

Enjoy, and remember, porn is a fun sex tool and can be beneficial to a relationship, but you are not and probably never will be a porn star, and neither is your girlfriend. If you could date a porn star, you would be dating one, poo poo fingers.